This book has been very confusing throughout and I think just accepting that and the mystery of Beloved makes it like believable. Beloved appeared out of nowhere somehow after being killed and then she disappeared out of thin air, this is honestly believable if you just like dont really think about it. All in all Denver really pulled through in the end saving both herself and Sethe and Paul D kinda redeemed himself by coming back. Denver really didn’t let anything like jealousy or frustration stop her from caring for her family and herself which is really impressive and resilient.

Yesterday was super fun since I only have one class on Wednesday and its flashes 101. I bascially just hung out with my friends, did a bunch of stats homework and got through some of the reading as well. Unfortunately we did not end up splitting up until 2am and now I’m extremely exhausted. I had stats today which was fine but the rain is super annoying. Im excited for the FSO fashion show tomorrow as I have 3 friends with outfits in the show.My friend got a digital camera which is cool and she took this photo.

At this point with the book ending, I am not sure what is real anymore. Beloved just disappearing was not something that I was expecting, which makes me feel like everything was just some crazy dream. A crazy dream is a good way to describe this book. It is like when you wake up in the morning and know you had a dream but everything that you remember seems out of place and a little bizarre. This book is not for casual reading, you have to take the time to fully understand the words and phrasing to get the full picture. I am still not sure how I feel about it, maybe I just did not take enough time to get fully immersed in the world to truly understand it.

I cannot even describe how today has been. Tuesday night I was working on some applications for internships, and I look at my calendar and see that I had an exam the next day. I was mortified. Being so caught up in applications I completely slipped my mind. I ended up going to the library and sitting there for 3 hours realizing that I was just going to have to wing it. It actually did not turn out that bad and I am feeling kind of confidant, but only time will tell. Something that I thought would be exciting today somehow managed to make me more stressed, I called the US Marshals to apply for an internship. The phone call went quite well, and I cannot figure out why I do not feel more relived that I did it and don’t have to think about it till the summer. Anyway, I am trying to think calming thoughts as I do all my homework at 10pm.

Today I took a math exam that I was a little bit worried about, but when I got the test, I actually understood the questions that were on it. I hope that I did really well on it, I feel like I did. I feel like I am actually starting to be productive, and I am actually understanding coursework. I hope that this starts an upwards spiral of doing well on assignments and exams (it probably won’t be because I am pretty sure I am going to fail a biology exam on Monday)! I have 28 pages of notes I need to memorize for Monday’s exam, I have attached a picture of my worst nightmare. Anyways, I am excited for the end of the semester to move on to the next thing and to have a short break! 

I have finished the last section of the book, and I am kind of surprised with how it ended. I did not expect for Beloved to just disappear without creating a big scene, she just disappeared. The ending left me wondering if Beloved or part of her still exists, the characters have forgotten about her, but the last few paragraphs make it seem as though she is still around. They mention how her footprints appear and disappear on the bank of the river. It was also interesting to see the image of Beloved becoming more and more evil and draining toward Sethe. It is bewildering to watch someone who was so loved and cared for become so cruel and ungrateful. 

I’m only halfway through the reading for tomorrow, but this book is starting to make some sense. I think it is crazy reading the perspective from Denver on how Sethe is doing anything and everything for Beloved. Denver even worded it that Beloved seems like the mother figure and Sethe is almost like the baby now. I just read the part where all the women from the town showed up right outside of 124 and started praying. Then Sethe and Beloved came out, Sethe ran to the road to join the women and so did Denver. Then Beloved just disappeared! This book is very creepy. I’m unsure what picture to put so here is little me with my mom.

This week has been pretty laid-back, which has been extremely nice. I definitely should start studying for my lab, but I just haven’t quite got there yet. Sometimes I just really can’t get myself to study. One of my old friends from back home Facetimed me last night and it was nice to catch up and talk to him. I haven’t spoken to him since my freshman year of high school. My roommate, Katie, saw this stuffed animal on TikTok that 5 Below was selling and begged me to take her. After this class yesterday, I gave in and drove her there. Pictured below is her and whatever that thing is.

I did a lot of productive things in order to procrastinate doing work so thats awesome but a I did do a lot of stats work so thats good. I re-watched twilight this weekend which was super fire (i love that movie) and I went out which was fun. I very much enjoyed no school on Monday but I really should’ve been doing homework lol. Not sure what else to say, I had panda express which was so good thank god some of my friends have cars.

Im glad the book is starting to come together, I havent finished the section however I do see how the relationships between characters like Sethe, Beloved, and Pauly D are coming together/ making more sense. Sethe has alot of PTSD but I do feel that its become clear that beloved is somewhat super natural which has helped my comprehension. Im definitely still lost but now I have hope that as I finish the book I will understand whats going on (mostly).